Emily Shiffer

Boomer grandparents have recently come under fire by their Millennial children for how they grandparent. Many Millennials have opened up online about their parents' less-than-stellar help with grandkids and their overall absence.

In a Reddit forum discussing the differences between generations, user @No_Language_423 posed the question: "Why are so many Boomer grandparents hands-off?" They went on to add, "Genuinely curious about this. Why is it that so many Boomer grandparents seem completely uninterested in being involved or helping out with their grandkids in a real, consistent way?"

In a further explanation, they added, "From what I’ve seen and heard, a lot of Boomers actually did have active, supportive parents when they were raising their own kids. Their moms would babysit, cook, or even move nearby to help out. But now, when Millennials become parents and hope for that same kind of support, it’s like even asking is seen as too much. Some even act insulted by the idea."

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However, they also noted this description of Boomer grandparents can't be generalized. They added, "Of course, there are outliers. I’m not talking about the people who comment, 'Well I help my kids all the time.' That’s great, but I’m noticing a pattern, not isolated cases. There seems to be a broader generational vibe around this. It doesn’t feel like a case-by-case thing, it feels like a shift in attitude."

They ended their post with more pondering thoughts. "At the same time, I hear a lot of Millennial parents saying they already plan to be very involved grandparents someday. So what changed? Is it a cultural shift? A difference in how retirement is viewed? Or maybe Boomers didn’t get as much help as we assume? Curious to hear what others think, especially from people who’ve experienced this dynamic firsthand."

Many people chimed in with their thoughts and firsthand experience as to why Boomer grandparents seem to be hands-off. These are 15 of the most compelling responses.

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"The parents of boomers didn’t call their kids boomers; they called them the ME generation. Because it was all about them. They’re the ME generation." —@BEniceBAGECKA

"They were also pretty hands off as parents, too."—@ azulsonador0309

"Their moms were 23 when they had kids. Their kids were 23 when they had kids. Grandma was 46. Today’s grandmas are in their sixties. They have a hard time getting through the day without their own naps." —@Ok_Membership7264

"My theory is that it's related to people having kids later in life. The grandparents are older on average." —@nineoctopii

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"It's because they had children because 'that's what's done,' not because they actually wanted them. Now that they're 'free,' they aren't going to give that up for anything. Notice how they are also distant with their own kids. It's not like they're interested in their kids, but not the grandkids. They want nothing to do with any of it." —@ExcellentCold7354

"I'm 56. Most 56 year olds these days still have full time jobs and other responsibilities to where babysitting and moving are not viable options." —@shammy_dammy

"Have you met Gen X? They were feral kids for a reason. The boomers could barely be bothered to raise their own children. They certainly aren't going to be stepping up for the grandkids." —@gwenkane404

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"Millennials have also changed. Every time I offer to help, I get a scroll of instructions, gluten-free snacks, feelings charts, and nap negotiations that last longer than peace talks. Any small deviation is treated like trauma. It’s exhausting." —@Revolutionary-Buy655

"I'm a millennial with Boomer parents. My parents were pretty hands off when I was a child, so it's not surprising they were hands-off with their grandchildren. My parents dropped me off with my grandparents for weekends so frequently that I had my own bedroom there. I plan to be an involved grandparent because I value the relationship I had with my own grandparents so much. I feel sorry for the Boomers. They don't realize how much they are missing out on by focusing on themselves." —@CandidateNo2731

"They were sold the idea of retirement their entire lives. And now they feel entitled to that instead of adjusting with the times. They’re loss, historically." —@rollbackprices

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"I think part of the answer is because a lot of them didn’t really want to have kids in the first place. But back then it’s just what you did. You got married at 20 and started popping out babies shortly after. If you didn’t, you were an abomination to the family." —@Screamcheese99

"We are older than the previous generation's grandparents. Believe it. Being 60+ and trying to care for toddlers is hard! Also, despite our experience and knowledge, we are often given ridiculous instructions and rules to follow by our own children, along with lists of likes/dislikes to adhere to. They expect entertainment in ways we are just not able to provide. Personal example from my attempt at babysitting my grandchild: I literally have not moved the car seat, that she installed, even an inch, but my DIL huffs, sighs, makes comments when getting her out of it. I am nice enough to drive her to her job to shorten their commute home, but I even do that wrong. So, forget it. I tried." —@TXteachr2018

"I think its because we live so far away from each other." —@Apprehensive_Pie_105

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"Hmm. I feel like the sense of community is gone. Starting with the Boomers in my family they emigrated to the US and scattered away from each other. States away from each other they had no support system and worked themselves ragged. There wasn’t really a village to help raise a child. Now that they are retired it’s like having a second chance at life and they don’t want to spend it watching kids. They want to pursue their hobbies and relax which I honestly don’t blame them." —@KorraNHaru

"Many Boomers (not all! so don't come for me lol) have deep, untreated trauma and mental health issues. Many are even very detached from their own existences at this point. Narcissistic traits are common among them, which is based in deep self-loathing. I think deep down a lot of them feel ashamed of how they raised their kids and don't want to mess up their grandkids as well." —@Arysta